Relationship coach Anne de Jong has laid out five basic principles for loving relationships in her new book. These apply not only to your personal life, but also in the workplace, she explains in the latest episode of podcast The Work Professor.
On average, couples start five years too late to consciously work on their relationship. That's a shame, because love is a skill anyone can learn. In her latest book Sorry, Sweetie Anne de Jong shares the five principles and 10 essential skills that will make you loveable.
De Jong is founder of The relationship coach and NONONS. She has more than 25 years of experience as a (relationship) coach, psychologist, trainer and educator.
In the book, De Jong describes five principles you can get started with:
- Principle 1: Choose anew every day
- Principle #2: Put your partner first
- Principle 3: Take care of yourself
- Principle 4: Allow yourself to be vulnerable
- Principle 5: Accept or leave (that's all there is to it)
In the podcast The Work Professor, HR strategist Wendy van Ierschot dives into Principle 5 with De Jong: accept or leave. When do you choose what?
De Jong explains that couples often stop seeing exactly what is going on. The unresolved arguments that go on and on about the same issue. The first step is to unravel what is going on. If you know where someone's vulnerability is, what someone wants and what their values are, then you can listen purely to the other person. In the next step, you get to the fundamental values. Then you can see whether or not you fit together.
This is also how it works in the workplace. Within an organization, you define core values. The people you hire conform as much as possible to the core values of the culture within your company.
When things are not going well in the workplace, tell each other what is happening in your heart and your head and vice versa. Do this without attacking each other, but listen to the other person's values without judgment and don't downplay the situation, appease it or say it wasn't.
Takeaways from the podcast The Work Professor:
- Seek help when you find that arguments or disagreements are not being resolved. When quarrels are not resolved properly, they will become recurring quarrels. Look back and see what is underneath that argument and try to resolve it that way.
- Say sorry. People have a certain relationship with saying sorry. Often we find it difficult to say. You won't get to your point, but saying sorry is important for resolving arguments.
Links
Listen back to the previous podcast with Anne de Jong "How to avoid arguments at Christmas dinner (and in the workplace)" here
More about Anne de Jong
Check out the book 'Sorry Honey' here
More about the Working Professor
Do you have questions or input? Please contact Wendy van Ierschot at wendy@viepeople.com.
Curious about the next guest on the Work Professor or want to be the first to hear the teaser of the next episode? Follow the Work Professor at https://www.linkedin.com/company/viepeople/ or at https://www.viepeople.com/inspiratie?inspiration-type=Podcast.
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