From listening to connecting: why real listening makes a difference

Listening seems so natural. We do it all day long. But are we really listening? In a world full of opinions, notifications and distractions, real listening is becoming increasingly rare. In the Work Professor Podcast, Wendy van Ierschot spoke with philosopher and author Miriam Rasch about the paradox of listening: the more we talk, the less we sometimes really hear. But what does real listening mean? How does it help with better relationships, leadership and collaboration? And why can misunderstandings sometimes actually be valuable?

1. Listening as a superpower (which we underestimate)

Listening is often confused with obeying. But true listening goes much further: it requires attention, openness and a willingness to be surprised. According to Miriam, listening is an important skill to avoid polarization and overstimulation. Especially now, at a time when technology is doing everything it can to hold our attention, conscious listening is more important than ever.

What can you do?
✅ Let go of expectations - Often we listen with a purpose: to respond, persuade or gather information. Try listening for 15 minutes without a purpose, just to hear what emerges.
✅ Be open to the unexpected - Are you really hearing what someone is saying, or are you listening mostly to what you want to hear?

2. Misunderstanding as an opportunity

Misunderstandings we usually see as a sign of not listening well. But according to Miriam, they can actually invite better listening. Often in conversations we seek confirmation of our own opinions. We fill in the words of others and listen with a certain expectation. As a result, we sometimes miss what is really being said.

What can you do
🔍 Recognize your own listening patterns - How quickly do you fill in another person's sentence? How often do you seek confirmation instead of really listening?
🗣 Ask questions instead of making assumptions - Instead of saying "Yes, but..." say, try, "Can you tell more about that?"

3. Listening without purpose: a game changer for leaders

Leaders are often tipped to "active listening. But that can tip over into "performative listening": adopting the right body language, nodding at the right time, but not really hearing much in the meantime. Miriam advocates sometimes letting go of purposeful listening. Just listening, without immediately looking for action points or solutions.

What You Can Do
🎧 Experiment with Goal-Free Listening - As a leader, have a conversation without immediately thinking of next steps. You'll be amazed at the insights that result.
🕰 Give conversations space - Not every conversation needs to be more efficient. Sometimes it's actually more powerful if it's a little slower and more attentive.

Harvard Business Review also researched listening and found that just nodding and humming is not enough. Real listening means giving something back - a reflection, a question or a summary. That's how you build trust and a real conversation ensues.

Listening as the key to connecting

True listening is more than hearing: it is an act of connection. It takes courage to slow down, to drop silences and put your judgment on pause for a moment. But it is precisely in that space that the most beautiful conversations occur.

Want to learn more about how listening contributes to stronger relationships, leadership and collaboration? Listen to the podcast the Work Professor with Miriam Rasch and find out how you can become a better listener.

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